Memoirs of a Pizza Guy

Two long time friends reminisce:

“I assume my future house will look just like this.”

(displays a picture of Pizza Hut)

I used to live there too Chad.

I even got my P.H.D. there too!

Pizza Hut Deliver 1994! 5000 safe driver hours.

They even give you your gold wings,

and a special hat to wear

to show that you’re better than everyone else.

And, you no longer have to carry your own city map

when you go out on deliveries.

Ah, yes, the finer moments in life:

When you discover who you are!

And who you are not!

When the world is at your feet

When the free pizza is as much free pizza

as you can stand eating.

And the extra hours are available only

to those who are capable of carrying extra hours

for someone else who didn’t want to work that evening.

Aw yes! The good old days.

I am homesick now.

I even got to make my own personal pan pizzas

And I didn’t have to pay for extra cheese either.

The staff was always friendly

And they’d let you make the extra dough

the other shift forgot to make.

Makes me wish Ronald Reagan was in office.

And that I still had my little car!

And my Tony Robbins Powertalk tapes

In the cassette deck to “fire-up to!”

I’d be on the road to prosperity

if I just had my extra motor route back

for the 3 a.m. papers!

A few good friends like you,

And an extra savings account

to make it all work out for me!

Somehow I missed out in life.

Where did I go wrong?

Was it when my vehicle went bad?

When I said the word Sh**

and walked out of the place?

Or was it later in the ‘97 flood

when I traded my 5000 safe driver hours

for Happy Joes Pizza?

And then later...for Deek’s Pizza?

Somewhere between all that hard work…

I went wrong, Chad!

Now what will I do?

How will I spend my $400 in Social Security?

Will there be another Pizza Hut

somewhere in another town

for me to work as a Senior Citizen?

Will they ask for references?

Will you lie for me friend?